You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
