Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Randomize
