We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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