you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
