I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
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