No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
