I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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