found the other keg... it's in the tree
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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