I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
