Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Im just a social blackout drinker.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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