i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
i now understand why vodka
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
