Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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