More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Randomize