just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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