Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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