i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
