Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
