I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
