Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
