They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
