Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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