I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
