mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
