idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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