you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
