What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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