$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
i out mim tonsoeep
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
