If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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