Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
