Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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