I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
