i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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