I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
BRING THE BAGELS
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
