my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
