you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
