We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
