I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
