I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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