Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You did what with his pubic hair?
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