so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize
