listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
