God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
