someone threw a dead crab at me
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize