i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
There's always time for handjobs
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
