I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
