WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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