i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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