I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
