Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
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