why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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