dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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