he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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