My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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