the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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