i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
