you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
