ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
You may now shotgun with the bride
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Randomize
