Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
