i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
