You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
