Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
we're making bets on your personal life
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Randomize
