I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Semen is not good for contacts.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
