I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
