can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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