Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Randomize
