the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
