Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
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