dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
