yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize