Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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