yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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