I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
Randomize
