He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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