You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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