I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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